Lay With Me

I can still remember when I was little calling from my bed to my parents downstairs.

Each slow call, gradually louder, hoping they would hear and come up. "Will you lay with me?" I would ask. Not because I was necessarily sad or scared but because they relaxed me. They were my comfort and that's what I wanted...to be snuggled with love.

I remember more times then not when they would come up and lay by me. Often though it was cut short and I never understood why. They would say "Mom/Dad has to go, try and sleep." I would wonder what they had to do that was better than snuggling with me...what did they have to do at all.

Now, my own sweet little one innocently requests the same thing. And now I understand why they couldn't snuggle all night.

I have the internal struggle each evening, the guilt that I feel for not laying longer vs. the anxiety of the things that need to be completed before I too can sleep so we can all have a positive tomorrow.

I've longed to be a parent and have absolutely loved [practically] every minute of it...so why each night do I try and make these moments go faster?

He just wants comfort, company, LOVE. He often talks to much, procrastinating the sleep I can tell his body desperately needs.

It's a war of the moment vs. the repercussions of an extended bedtime.

Lately, I realize that I need to spend more time laying with my little boy (and little lady too).

When I leave his room he grabs a picture of our family last summer that we keep on his night stand. He looks at it, talks to it, studies it, holds it tight. It is a way he found to have us there when we asked him to try and go to sleep.

It makes him happy, because its his family and it's his comfort. It helps him feel snuggled with love.

So last night, I laid by his bed till he fell asleep.